Please do not read if you are offended by the liberal use of the f word (and all its cognates) or if you don't want to read about my screw ups and probably my terrible spelling b/c I am typing in a rage.
1. I think I totally fucked up my dissertation. I've never written one before and I was given no real guidelinews- I was told just to do it. Well that is what I did. And I have been writing it like an essay- actually more like how the book I hope to write using this as background would go. Which apparently thanks to Steph and her finding a book on writing a dissertation, (PHEW) IS WRONG.
I'm supposed to have a research question and a method. Well you see, after I came back from ther states there wasn't time to get my research approved, so I have just been doing it as an essay, not with the planned way I had with the research and the bunnies and everything. (Ok no bunnies, but whatever).
So now I need to figure out if I can salvage the 10K words I have written without having to start over when I have about a week, 2 at the most to finish.
Of course my advisor is away until Friday. FML.
2. The above is all my fault. I just have had such a hard time getting back in to it..since I came back from the states...and I just want to cry and yell and scream because I am very fucking angry. I fucking miss her and I hate this and everything. It is not fucking fair. And before you ask, I have talked to someone, 2 someones in fact and it didn't help. I am sorry but there is no in your time of need angel sitting on my fucking shoulder right now. I think that is a load of bollocks- no disrespect to those of you who believe that, but I don't see it.
3. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what is going to happeb after this dissertation- if I can pull it off and get the degree and get into the PhD program. Good. Brilliant. Fantastic. But if not....well I am not sure I even *passed* one of the classes b/c of the way the things are graded here, I just don't get.....
4. I suck at asking for help. I'm almost 36. I should GET it by now. I should be independent and have it down. But I still manage to fuck it up- mainly b/c I don't know how to ask for help.
5. I'm terrified of what will happen if I have to go home. I know I have talked about this before but where am I going to go? What am I going to do? Will I be able to find a job?
6. I have sucked at eating well, drinking water, and haven't gone to the gym in ages.
7. I haven't even had time to write about how I met David Tennant and how he is soft and smells like heaven, which sums it up really.
8. Lastly, it would really be great if fucking grandpa would shut the fuck up about certain people. No one wants to hear you shoot your gob off. And now you are ruining one of my favourite shows. NO LOVE.- me.
Showing posts with label UK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label UK. Show all posts
05 July 2011
02 July 2011
Name change and an update
My blogs have had various incarnations over the years. I started blogging at neophytegirl.net a long time ago, when I had my own domain. This was many years ago. I know I had a backup of it sometime ago, but I can't find it.....at least at the moment. I've had my LJ and now recently I had toocurvyagain at wordpress and abostongirlinglasgow which I merged into one.
But I think it is time for a change. I'm still a Boston girl. I'm still in Glasgow. But that isn't who I am and it isn't what defines me. I was going to have a vote or a suggestion entry about what I should change the name of my blog to. And then I realized, having someone else name it, won't work.
Hence- Cindy's struggles. That is my name, and well my life has been a series of struggles.
So that is that.
The London trip was fun and packed and yes, I met David Tennant and Catherine Tate. The play was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant- I want to go back and see it again and again (and if I can get down there to see it again, I will- after my dissertation is done, of course!) I hope to get to write up about the play ASAP.
As far as the healthiness journey goes, I'm working on eliminating gluten to see if it helps with the headaches. I hope to get back to the gym this week as well. If it doesn't happen, I am not going to stress too much over it as I believe I have about 2 weeks to finish my dissertation, and that has to come first. I will have plenty of time afterwards.
How do you deal with stress, deadlines, and workouts?
But I think it is time for a change. I'm still a Boston girl. I'm still in Glasgow. But that isn't who I am and it isn't what defines me. I was going to have a vote or a suggestion entry about what I should change the name of my blog to. And then I realized, having someone else name it, won't work.
Hence- Cindy's struggles. That is my name, and well my life has been a series of struggles.
So that is that.
The London trip was fun and packed and yes, I met David Tennant and Catherine Tate. The play was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant- I want to go back and see it again and again (and if I can get down there to see it again, I will- after my dissertation is done, of course!) I hope to get to write up about the play ASAP.
As far as the healthiness journey goes, I'm working on eliminating gluten to see if it helps with the headaches. I hope to get back to the gym this week as well. If it doesn't happen, I am not going to stress too much over it as I believe I have about 2 weeks to finish my dissertation, and that has to come first. I will have plenty of time afterwards.
How do you deal with stress, deadlines, and workouts?
13 June 2011
A weekend of highs and lows (sorry it's long!)
This weekend was really awesome in some ways, and absolutely horrendous in others. I hope I can do justice in documenting it.
Thursday night:
Steph and I took the overnight bus from Glasgow to London. Let me warn you, folks. Not a good idea. While very cheap, it SUCKS. We had hoped to spread out (like everyone else) but ended up having to sit together, which while fine, it just meant neither of us had much room. It also meant I didn't sleep. At all. The bus itself was noisy, it was too light (for me), and the seats were uncomfortable. The only good thing was the wi-fi. Finally at 4ish I gave up trying to rest and listened to the Red Sox rout the Yankees, which gave me enough adrenaline to function once we arrived in London.
Friday:
Once we arrived we set up camp in a Starbucks for a while (waiting for the commuter rush to be over) and had coffee and breakfast. The pancakes were pretty good, IMO. We hung out there for a while and then got on the Tube and headed to Leicester Square. We walked around a bit, and then got more coffee at Costa and figured out the rest of the day.
We then got the tube and a train to Crystal Palace, where our hotel was. Now, google maps really fucked up on this one and had us walk this RIDICULOUS way to the hotel up 2 massive hills where I was actually convinced I was going to have a heart attack and die. My ankle was killing, I was starving, and I was walking up this hill that was insane. And did I mention it was raining and I am carrying a heavy backpack?
We finally got to the hotel (early) and sat waiting for the room to be ready. Finally, it was- all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't care that the restaurant that was advertised to be a part of the hotel didn't exist. I just wanted to sleep. I did just that.
2 hours and change later, Steph woke me up. Now, at this point, I really wish I had just told her to go on without me. I was that tired. (and in hindsight I wish I had). I finally dragged myself into the shower and got ready. We found an easier way to walk back to the train station and on the way stopped at a restaurant called the Grape and the Grain. I had a falafel sandwich, and it was really, really good. I was starving at that point and was planning on stopping at the first place we saw, I just needed to eat as it was a long time since those pancakes.
We ate and then headed to the train station and took the train back into the city to go back into Leicester square. It was our plan to wait for David Tennant and Catherine Tate after the evening performance of Much Ado.... (this was the backup plan in case when we see them later in the month that we had a chance for autographs). When we got there the barriers were up, but no one was out waiting yet, so we figured we had some time to kill. We wandered around and went to Amorino for gelato (the best gelato in the world IMO)
It was raining, so after the gelato, we found refuge in little shops, trying to stay dry. It was at this point I began to get very panicked and nervous. I have issues with social anxiety, which I think was the main contribution to being so panicked, and being exhausted- also a trigger. When we arrived back at the barrier, Steph was so excited, I knew I couldn't ruin this for her, so I said I would just wait for her away from the theatre....
I paced around for a bit, and then decided so I went to get a coffee across from the theatre. I ordered from the take away menu, but they had me sit down and they'd bring me my coffee. They did and asked me to pay. Now the menu said £1.80 and they now told me it was £2.70. I explained I had asked for take away as I didn't have the £2.70 ( I had £2.66) and they didn't take cards either. So the waitress went away to ask about it and came back and told me that they would have to take the coffee away and told me I needed to leave immediately. (So they would rather lose 4 pence than put the coffee in a take away cup and give it to me?) Humiliated, I walked away. What I didn't know, was that this wouldn't be the most humiliating part of my evening yet.
I walked around back to the front of the theatre, but across the street to wait. A group of quite possibly very drunk people came up to me and shoved me into the grate behind me, and walked away laughing. Not much later, some random guy walked past me, said "fat bitch," and spit on me. (Luckily I had a napkin in my pocket.) I was humiliated and embarrassed, and I felt terrible- like I was back in high school being bulled and barked at on a daily basis. And then of course (since I am doing my dissertation on bullying) began thinking of others who have had it so much worse and I realized I was getting a bit desensitized to this kind of behaviour, b/c when I tweeted about it so many people were in an outrage - (while I was blaming myself for how I looked, how I am, how I can't seem to get myself under control and lose weight and how painful doing some things is there by perpetuating the entire thing in a vicious cycle.)
Steph came back from getting Catherine Tate and David Tennant's autographs a little after, and I was very happy she was happy and glad she was done, b/c I just wanted to go back to the hotel- which we did after a bit of difficulty in trying to get a cab back to the hotel ( I was too tired and sore to walk the mile in the rain and dark.)
Saturday:
Saturday we had a big day planned. We needed to check out of the hotel, go to Barking (on the other side of London) to Big Finish day to meet Colin Baker and Sophie Aldred, and then go back to the other side of London to Clapham Common to see INXS. (When I made the original plans I was just going to the concert alone, and then when I won 2 tickets Steph decided to come with me and then we found out about Big Finish day, hence the back and forth.)
We headed out, got money and breakfast and took the overground, to the DLR, to the train to Barking. We weren't 100% sure about the directions google maps gave us, so we took a cab to the location (good thing as the maps had it wrong). We wandered around looking at merchandise and pictures and whatnot waiting for the celebs to come back from lunch.
Finally we got a chance to talk to Colin Baker. He was funny and gracious. I told him we found his tweets funny, and he asked what my username was- I told him what it was and that I was the one who kept asking for the Bayban avatar. He laughed and said he was trying to find a picture and would change it soon for me. :) He signed for us and then we went on our way to meet Sophie Aldred who took a picture with the Plushies for us!
She also signed for us and then we decided we had enough of the con and headed off to make our way to Clapham Commons. We had time to kill, so we stopped at Starbucks to have a coffee before heading over.
We finally went over to the commons, and found a place to sit and relax. It was nice out at that point, and there were plenty of people to watch and it was nice to just relax.
Finally, INXS came on and I was so excited. I jumped around and danced and sang along. ( I am going to make a separate blog entry just for the show)
As soon as the show was over, we had to book it to the tube to get to Victoria station in time for the bus. We made it just in time (had the tube not kept STOPPING for no reason, we would have had plenty of time.) The bus driver was very rude to me and told me that usually they leave 5 minutes early (if you leave at 10 you should leave at 10) and that we should have gotten there earlier. I explained that we got lost trying to find the bus area as it isn't attached to Victoria. He didn't care and told us we couldn't bring dinner on as it was hot food. (what is the friggin' difference between a hot and cold sandwich). I didn't care, I shoved it in my bag and ate it anyway. I was starving!
We couldn't even sit together on the bus b/c people were all spread out and wouldn't share or move so we could sit together. It was extremely rude and I was really pissed off. And the guy I ended up sitting next to kept spreading over into my seat- at one point I was sitting on the handle and had no where to move- I was going to sit on the floor in the aisle at that point! I didn't sleep at all again, and I was SO glad when we got back to Glasgow.
We got home at about 7ish, I changed and passed out until about 4 in the afternoon, got up and ate dinner, and went back to bed. I am still tired now, but not as much.
And how was your weekend?
Thursday night:
Steph and I took the overnight bus from Glasgow to London. Let me warn you, folks. Not a good idea. While very cheap, it SUCKS. We had hoped to spread out (like everyone else) but ended up having to sit together, which while fine, it just meant neither of us had much room. It also meant I didn't sleep. At all. The bus itself was noisy, it was too light (for me), and the seats were uncomfortable. The only good thing was the wi-fi. Finally at 4ish I gave up trying to rest and listened to the Red Sox rout the Yankees, which gave me enough adrenaline to function once we arrived in London.
Friday:
Once we arrived we set up camp in a Starbucks for a while (waiting for the commuter rush to be over) and had coffee and breakfast. The pancakes were pretty good, IMO. We hung out there for a while and then got on the Tube and headed to Leicester Square. We walked around a bit, and then got more coffee at Costa and figured out the rest of the day.
We then got the tube and a train to Crystal Palace, where our hotel was. Now, google maps really fucked up on this one and had us walk this RIDICULOUS way to the hotel up 2 massive hills where I was actually convinced I was going to have a heart attack and die. My ankle was killing, I was starving, and I was walking up this hill that was insane. And did I mention it was raining and I am carrying a heavy backpack?
We finally got to the hotel (early) and sat waiting for the room to be ready. Finally, it was- all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't care that the restaurant that was advertised to be a part of the hotel didn't exist. I just wanted to sleep. I did just that.
2 hours and change later, Steph woke me up. Now, at this point, I really wish I had just told her to go on without me. I was that tired. (and in hindsight I wish I had). I finally dragged myself into the shower and got ready. We found an easier way to walk back to the train station and on the way stopped at a restaurant called the Grape and the Grain. I had a falafel sandwich, and it was really, really good. I was starving at that point and was planning on stopping at the first place we saw, I just needed to eat as it was a long time since those pancakes.
We ate and then headed to the train station and took the train back into the city to go back into Leicester square. It was our plan to wait for David Tennant and Catherine Tate after the evening performance of Much Ado.... (this was the backup plan in case when we see them later in the month that we had a chance for autographs). When we got there the barriers were up, but no one was out waiting yet, so we figured we had some time to kill. We wandered around and went to Amorino for gelato (the best gelato in the world IMO)
It was raining, so after the gelato, we found refuge in little shops, trying to stay dry. It was at this point I began to get very panicked and nervous. I have issues with social anxiety, which I think was the main contribution to being so panicked, and being exhausted- also a trigger. When we arrived back at the barrier, Steph was so excited, I knew I couldn't ruin this for her, so I said I would just wait for her away from the theatre....
I paced around for a bit, and then decided so I went to get a coffee across from the theatre. I ordered from the take away menu, but they had me sit down and they'd bring me my coffee. They did and asked me to pay. Now the menu said £1.80 and they now told me it was £2.70. I explained I had asked for take away as I didn't have the £2.70 ( I had £2.66) and they didn't take cards either. So the waitress went away to ask about it and came back and told me that they would have to take the coffee away and told me I needed to leave immediately. (So they would rather lose 4 pence than put the coffee in a take away cup and give it to me?) Humiliated, I walked away. What I didn't know, was that this wouldn't be the most humiliating part of my evening yet.
I walked around back to the front of the theatre, but across the street to wait. A group of quite possibly very drunk people came up to me and shoved me into the grate behind me, and walked away laughing. Not much later, some random guy walked past me, said "fat bitch," and spit on me. (Luckily I had a napkin in my pocket.) I was humiliated and embarrassed, and I felt terrible- like I was back in high school being bulled and barked at on a daily basis. And then of course (since I am doing my dissertation on bullying) began thinking of others who have had it so much worse and I realized I was getting a bit desensitized to this kind of behaviour, b/c when I tweeted about it so many people were in an outrage - (while I was blaming myself for how I looked, how I am, how I can't seem to get myself under control and lose weight and how painful doing some things is there by perpetuating the entire thing in a vicious cycle.)
Steph came back from getting Catherine Tate and David Tennant's autographs a little after, and I was very happy she was happy and glad she was done, b/c I just wanted to go back to the hotel- which we did after a bit of difficulty in trying to get a cab back to the hotel ( I was too tired and sore to walk the mile in the rain and dark.)
Saturday:
Saturday we had a big day planned. We needed to check out of the hotel, go to Barking (on the other side of London) to Big Finish day to meet Colin Baker and Sophie Aldred, and then go back to the other side of London to Clapham Common to see INXS. (When I made the original plans I was just going to the concert alone, and then when I won 2 tickets Steph decided to come with me and then we found out about Big Finish day, hence the back and forth.)
We headed out, got money and breakfast and took the overground, to the DLR, to the train to Barking. We weren't 100% sure about the directions google maps gave us, so we took a cab to the location (good thing as the maps had it wrong). We wandered around looking at merchandise and pictures and whatnot waiting for the celebs to come back from lunch.
Finally we got a chance to talk to Colin Baker. He was funny and gracious. I told him we found his tweets funny, and he asked what my username was- I told him what it was and that I was the one who kept asking for the Bayban avatar. He laughed and said he was trying to find a picture and would change it soon for me. :) He signed for us and then we went on our way to meet Sophie Aldred who took a picture with the Plushies for us!
She also signed for us and then we decided we had enough of the con and headed off to make our way to Clapham Commons. We had time to kill, so we stopped at Starbucks to have a coffee before heading over.
We finally went over to the commons, and found a place to sit and relax. It was nice out at that point, and there were plenty of people to watch and it was nice to just relax.
Finally, INXS came on and I was so excited. I jumped around and danced and sang along. ( I am going to make a separate blog entry just for the show)
As soon as the show was over, we had to book it to the tube to get to Victoria station in time for the bus. We made it just in time (had the tube not kept STOPPING for no reason, we would have had plenty of time.) The bus driver was very rude to me and told me that usually they leave 5 minutes early (if you leave at 10 you should leave at 10) and that we should have gotten there earlier. I explained that we got lost trying to find the bus area as it isn't attached to Victoria. He didn't care and told us we couldn't bring dinner on as it was hot food. (what is the friggin' difference between a hot and cold sandwich). I didn't care, I shoved it in my bag and ate it anyway. I was starving!
We couldn't even sit together on the bus b/c people were all spread out and wouldn't share or move so we could sit together. It was extremely rude and I was really pissed off. And the guy I ended up sitting next to kept spreading over into my seat- at one point I was sitting on the handle and had no where to move- I was going to sit on the floor in the aisle at that point! I didn't sleep at all again, and I was SO glad when we got back to Glasgow.
We got home at about 7ish, I changed and passed out until about 4 in the afternoon, got up and ate dinner, and went back to bed. I am still tired now, but not as much.
And how was your weekend?
05 June 2011
Race for Life 5K recap
The morning dawned far too early and chilly for my liking. I still wasn't feeling (and still am not) better, but I downed cold meds and vitamins with a cup of coffee and rushed around getting ready. I don't like to be late for things, especially when I am not 100% sure of where I am going, and I didn't double check the time the bus was leaving, so we ended up taking a later one, which ended up being fine. One thing we learned today, don't get off the bus when everyone else does- they might not have a clue where they are going either!
After a bit of wandering through Buchanan and St. Enoch, and a stop at Costa for Steph, we followed the sea of pink to Glasgow Green. We dropped off 2 bags of clothing donations, and headed for the start. Steph planned to run most of it, and I planned to do a mix, depending on whether or not I could breathe (not very well).
We were separated quickly, so I cranked up the tunes and read people's messages of hope on their bibs as they passed me (gasping for air mostly LOL). This hit a little close to home, as I would see young women and kids with bibs that said "for my mummy." I hadn't realized (and IDK why) messages of hope and remembrance could be for anyone, not just people who had passed away from breast cancer. (The large amount of remembrances for dads and grandpa's showed this.) I definitely would have done my bib differently had I known.
I had a hard time keeping my heart rate down due to being ill and the cold meds I am sure. I ended up walking more than I hoped b/c my heart rate was in the 150-160 range even while walking, and when running would boot up to over 180 very quickly. I also wish I had reset my Nike+ at the start, as opposed to when I started it up walking TO the race. There were no mile markers or water stops (??? why ???) so I had no idea of my time or how far I had gone. My "official" finish was 43 minutes and change give or take, which is pretty good for an out of shape, and way too overweight for her height 35 year old! (ok, it isn't, and I was humbled by many people I would consider not in the best shape passing me, including the elderly and those with canes. Yes, I kid you not.)
Once I finally saw a mile marker for 4K, I was so relieved and I picked up my pace. Finally I saw where the finish line was and pretty much sprinted (as much as I can sprint) to it! I was greeted by volunteers and received a medal, a carry bag with random items, and a bottle of water (thank goodness).
Steph finished in 34 minutes and I am very proud of her- I never did a 34 minute 5K when I was in the best of shape and FAR skinnier. (is also jealous)
I did try to take some pics along the way..... Some of my pics are dark, and I do apologize.
I do wish I had gotten pics of us before or after the race but that didn't happen. Oops. I was very glad when it was over and I could sit down for a few and use my inhaler. We had a bit of a hard time meeting up, but we did find each other in the sea of pink, and headed off to find food. I was STARVING. This is probably the first race I've ever done where I was so hungry after.
We made our way away from the Green and back through Merchant City and St. Enoch where we got the subway back to Hillhead and headed to Little Italy for pizza (to make up for all the calories I lost!). The pizza was great and so was the cappuccino. We stopped at a few shops on the way back, and then headed home, where I hit the showers.
We must have walked (and run) at least 5.5-6 miles in all today. (I turned off the timers/trackers after leaving the Green) Not bad!
My legs are a little sore, and I am tired. I hope for my next 5K I am not sick, and I weigh considerably less.
How was your weekend? Did you run in any races?
After a bit of wandering through Buchanan and St. Enoch, and a stop at Costa for Steph, we followed the sea of pink to Glasgow Green. We dropped off 2 bags of clothing donations, and headed for the start. Steph planned to run most of it, and I planned to do a mix, depending on whether or not I could breathe (not very well).
We were separated quickly, so I cranked up the tunes and read people's messages of hope on their bibs as they passed me (gasping for air mostly LOL). This hit a little close to home, as I would see young women and kids with bibs that said "for my mummy." I hadn't realized (and IDK why) messages of hope and remembrance could be for anyone, not just people who had passed away from breast cancer. (The large amount of remembrances for dads and grandpa's showed this.) I definitely would have done my bib differently had I known.
I had a hard time keeping my heart rate down due to being ill and the cold meds I am sure. I ended up walking more than I hoped b/c my heart rate was in the 150-160 range even while walking, and when running would boot up to over 180 very quickly. I also wish I had reset my Nike+ at the start, as opposed to when I started it up walking TO the race. There were no mile markers or water stops (??? why ???) so I had no idea of my time or how far I had gone. My "official" finish was 43 minutes and change give or take, which is pretty good for an out of shape, and way too overweight for her height 35 year old! (ok, it isn't, and I was humbled by many people I would consider not in the best shape passing me, including the elderly and those with canes. Yes, I kid you not.)
Once I finally saw a mile marker for 4K, I was so relieved and I picked up my pace. Finally I saw where the finish line was and pretty much sprinted (as much as I can sprint) to it! I was greeted by volunteers and received a medal, a carry bag with random items, and a bottle of water (thank goodness).
Steph finished in 34 minutes and I am very proud of her- I never did a 34 minute 5K when I was in the best of shape and FAR skinnier. (is also jealous)
I did try to take some pics along the way..... Some of my pics are dark, and I do apologize.
 |
| running past the statues at George Square |
 |
| Idk LOL |
 |
| interesting |
architecture
 |
| Bridge and the River Clyde |
 |
| Greenhouse/Cafe on Glasgow Green |
 |
| Fountain at People's Palace |
 |
| People's Palace |
 |
| more info on the fountain |
 |
| I love this fountain! |
 |
| View across the way |
 |
| Look it's the fountain again! |
We made our way away from the Green and back through Merchant City and St. Enoch where we got the subway back to Hillhead and headed to Little Italy for pizza (to make up for all the calories I lost!). The pizza was great and so was the cappuccino. We stopped at a few shops on the way back, and then headed home, where I hit the showers.
We must have walked (and run) at least 5.5-6 miles in all today. (I turned off the timers/trackers after leaving the Green) Not bad!
My legs are a little sore, and I am tired. I hope for my next 5K I am not sick, and I weigh considerably less.
How was your weekend? Did you run in any races?
18 May 2011
In which another day passes and nothing gets accomplished
I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow regarding my dissertation. We met when I got back from the US after my mom died. That was about 2 months ago. In that time, I had 2 other papers to write, and I took a holiday. I have done some research on my dissertation. In fact I spent 2 days at the library looking up books and journal articles. (Not that I have actually *read* them.)
I honestly have no idea what I am doing. I found a template online to assist me in writing, but I am not really sure what I am supposed to be writing. I mean do I just go all in and do this- or is there some sort of formulaic way- like the way a Law and Order episode is drawn out? I hope my advisor isn't pissed that I have no idea what I am doing- I just felt really foolish asking at this point in the academic year. (I've never had to write such a paper for my previous degrees so......)
So I am stressed and not feeling 100% and didn't work out again today and this isn't good since I had been doing so well. I am going to the gym right after my meeting with my advisor in the morning to get it out of the way.
I also need to go to the public library and pick up a book. I found a book group that meets in a coffee shop I love, and I really need to do something that isn't my dissertation this summer.
Oh! And the one thing I did actually get done today (besides watching Timelash) was to book my mini trip to London to see INXS in June. I am taking the overnight bus (cheap) and staying one night in London, and then busing back the night of the show. It sucks and I will be tired but it is the cheapest option. (I'd rather have the money for when we go see MAAN later in June!!!!)
Sorry if this is a totally random post- I'm not focusing at the moment.
Oh, and if you are reading this, please take a moment to say "hi" in the comments. I <3 comments.
Ok I am really going to sign off this post and get work done. Really.
I honestly have no idea what I am doing. I found a template online to assist me in writing, but I am not really sure what I am supposed to be writing. I mean do I just go all in and do this- or is there some sort of formulaic way- like the way a Law and Order episode is drawn out? I hope my advisor isn't pissed that I have no idea what I am doing- I just felt really foolish asking at this point in the academic year. (I've never had to write such a paper for my previous degrees so......)
So I am stressed and not feeling 100% and didn't work out again today and this isn't good since I had been doing so well. I am going to the gym right after my meeting with my advisor in the morning to get it out of the way.
I also need to go to the public library and pick up a book. I found a book group that meets in a coffee shop I love, and I really need to do something that isn't my dissertation this summer.
Oh! And the one thing I did actually get done today (besides watching Timelash) was to book my mini trip to London to see INXS in June. I am taking the overnight bus (cheap) and staying one night in London, and then busing back the night of the show. It sucks and I will be tired but it is the cheapest option. (I'd rather have the money for when we go see MAAN later in June!!!!)
Sorry if this is a totally random post- I'm not focusing at the moment.
Oh, and if you are reading this, please take a moment to say "hi" in the comments. I <3 comments.
Ok I am really going to sign off this post and get work done. Really.
16 May 2011
Rainy Monday
Today was a blech kind of day for many reasons. The rain didn't help matters at all. It just added to my general sad mood.
We did get grocery shopping out of the way and got plenty of grains and veggies, jammie dodgers and a fez. When we got back I had lunch and debated doing some work, which means I watched last night's L&O CI. (I'm so glad Goren and Eames are back!)
Finally I realized I needed to get to the gym if I was going to work out (which I really didn't want to, since it meant going out in the rain.) I got my stuff together and got the bus. Of course, I couldn't remember what stop I needed to get off at, and got off a mile too far away so I had to walk back the way I came in the rain (at least I had my wellies on).
As a result, nothing felt right. I used the eSpinner and did 1/2 a downloaded spinning workout. (I had to stop b/c of the time limits on these machines at key hours.) I debated using the weights but the room was packed. I had walked the mile + biked 10 miles on the eSpinner, so I called it a day and hit the hot tub.
Totals: appx 60 mins workout, 500 cals burned. (I forgot to take a picture of my HRM.)
Tomorrow I am having my ankle looked at (again) and I am hoping that I won't have to stop working out now that I've started again. Tomorrow's workout will probably be weights and Pilates class.
Right now I am just tired and cranky and I just sorted my journal articles by type for my dissertation. Now if only I could get them all read, notes taken, and my chapter outline done for Thursday it would be very nice.
We did get grocery shopping out of the way and got plenty of grains and veggies, jammie dodgers
Finally I realized I needed to get to the gym if I was going to work out (which I really didn't want to, since it meant going out in the rain.) I got my stuff together and got the bus. Of course, I couldn't remember what stop I needed to get off at, and got off a mile too far away so I had to walk back the way I came in the rain (at least I had my wellies on).
As a result, nothing felt right. I used the eSpinner and did 1/2 a downloaded spinning workout. (I had to stop b/c of the time limits on these machines at key hours.) I debated using the weights but the room was packed. I had walked the mile + biked 10 miles on the eSpinner, so I called it a day and hit the hot tub.
Totals: appx 60 mins workout, 500 cals burned. (I forgot to take a picture of my HRM.)
Tomorrow I am having my ankle looked at (again) and I am hoping that I won't have to stop working out now that I've started again. Tomorrow's workout will probably be weights and Pilates class.
Right now I am just tired and cranky and I just sorted my journal articles by type for my dissertation. Now if only I could get them all read, notes taken, and my chapter outline done for Thursday it would be very nice.
13 May 2011
back to it
Apparently my last post has vanished. I hope it comes back soon.
I went shopping this morning and spent WAY too much money! Oops. I got things that I needed and my niece her 5th birthday present.
After coffee and getting caught in the rain, I came home so I could get work done and ended up searching for travel options for my weekend trip to London next month.
Then, I went to spinning today for the first time since my surgery, which was almost 10 months ago! (In fact this was my first real HARD workout since then. I have been walking and things, but nothing overly exerting, hence the weight gain.) I wish I hadn't waited so long because it was wonderful. It was easier without the extra sports bra, and liberating as well! I am sure I will be sore tomorrow! I hope I can walk as it is Farmer's Market day!
So for an hour and nine minutes....
I thought it might be more, and it may be. I think my HRM needs a new battery.
I'm tired but energetic, and part of me wants to go out to the store, but the other part of me has no desire to put on not my jim jams and go out. It can wait until tomorrow. No one needs yogurt that badly.
I should be working on my dissertation right now as well, but it is Friday night. I do need to get a lot done in the next few days before my appt with my advisor.
Cheerio!
I went shopping this morning and spent WAY too much money! Oops. I got things that I needed and my niece her 5th birthday present.
After coffee and getting caught in the rain, I came home so I could get work done and ended up searching for travel options for my weekend trip to London next month.
Then, I went to spinning today for the first time since my surgery, which was almost 10 months ago! (In fact this was my first real HARD workout since then. I have been walking and things, but nothing overly exerting, hence the weight gain.) I wish I hadn't waited so long because it was wonderful. It was easier without the extra sports bra, and liberating as well! I am sure I will be sore tomorrow! I hope I can walk as it is Farmer's Market day!
I thought it might be more, and it may be. I think my HRM needs a new battery.
I'm tired but energetic, and part of me wants to go out to the store, but the other part of me has no desire to put on not my jim jams and go out. It can wait until tomorrow. No one needs yogurt that badly.
I should be working on my dissertation right now as well, but it is Friday night. I do need to get a lot done in the next few days before my appt with my advisor.
Cheerio!
09 April 2011
Catch up
The Red Sox won the home opener against the MFY! I do not think my neighbors appreciated my singing "Tessie" at the top of my lungs when it was over, however.
I am working on a 4k word paper. It's on Columbine, so I have been voraciously reading books and articles on the subject. So much to absorb.
It is going to be 66 here in Glasgow tomorrow! I can't wait! We are hitting the farmer's market! There will be pics! Nails will be done hopefully and then a lovely walk before I get back to working on this paper.
Have a great weekend!
I am working on a 4k word paper. It's on Columbine, so I have been voraciously reading books and articles on the subject. So much to absorb.
It is going to be 66 here in Glasgow tomorrow! I can't wait! We are hitting the farmer's market! There will be pics! Nails will be done hopefully and then a lovely walk before I get back to working on this paper.
Have a great weekend!
19 March 2011
Edinburgh
Yesterday, despite a late start, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=2)
kyrina and I went to Edinburgh. Considering what has gone on lately and my professors told me to relax this week and I have wanted to see more of Scotland, we decided that we'd start off in Edinburgh. (in a week or 2 we are going to St. Andrews)
We took the train in and I wanted to take a bus tour of the city. I like the views and it was a nice day. We decided to get off at the first stop for tea and to go to the weaving museum (where we got to see a LOT of tartans including MacDonald (and Fraser) LOL) and kilts and all things Scottish.
kyrina and I went to Edinburgh. Considering what has gone on lately and my professors told me to relax this week and I have wanted to see more of Scotland, we decided that we'd start off in Edinburgh. (in a week or 2 we are going to St. Andrews)We took the train in and I wanted to take a bus tour of the city. I like the views and it was a nice day. We decided to get off at the first stop for tea and to go to the weaving museum (where we got to see a LOT of tartans including MacDonald (and Fraser) LOL) and kilts and all things Scottish.
When we went back to get the bus we found that we were too late for the last bus :( (maybe next time, even though Steph doesn't like bus tours - I think they are fun and are a nice way to see the city and then decide where to go.)
We walked around, popped in lots of little shops and then went to the World's End. I was excited b/c I had read about this pub in the Outlander series, and I tried to imagine Jamie, Claire, Ian, and Rollo sitting by the fire, enjoying a drink.
We walked around some more and took a haunted tour given by Burke of Burke and Hare. It was fascinating, if a bit cheesy, but delightful all the same. I was exhausted after that so we headed back home. (I couldn't believe it cost 30p to have a pee at the train station!) LMAO!
Pictures are here! :)
22 February 2011
New new new new new neuro
Yes, this was neuro #5. He seemed pleasant enough, but did cut me off a few times when I was explaining some of the medical history and he also declined a copy of the records I had brought with me.
He asked all the usual questions that I have been asked countless times before and he did a basic neuro exam (similiar to what neuro #2 used to do).
Diagnosis: Chronic headache with migranious tendencies (or chronic migraine w/out aura). I find this amusing b/c I had been told by 4 other neurologists that these headaches aren't migraines. He is basing it on the fact that when my head hurts I want to lay down and be alone. Doesn't everyone want to do that when they have a headache? *shrugs*
I mentioned that it might be tied in with my cycles and he wasn't convinced. (???) and said that regular pills were not advisable at my age (JFC I'm only 35. Oh God I'm 35. Someone prep my headstone now) and that I could try a mini pill, but he didn't want to add too many things in at once and it will be revisited in 3 months when I go again.
So the plan is...
Continue Venlafaxine in am. Currently continue ativan. Add flunarizine as a preventative at night. For pain, I have to go to get a script for some naproxen/triptan combination which will probably kill me but he said this is a far lower dose than the imitrex that sent me to the ER. He also wants me to stop the ativan. I should be titrated off it, he said. I am concerned about this b/c what happens when I have a debilitating panic attack and have no pharmacological help? He said there was nothing that could be prescribed. So everyone in the UK who has anxiety issues just sits there and takes it? I don't believe that for a second. I am hoping my GP can assist me in that area. My mom is sick back home (she is doing fine BTW) and I am trying to get my dissertation started. I need help with the anxiety. It isn't a joke. He al,so said it was harder to come off of ativan than heroin. FUN TIEMS AHEAD. (or not)
Who knows, maybe this new med will be the magic pill . . . . .
He asked all the usual questions that I have been asked countless times before and he did a basic neuro exam (similiar to what neuro #2 used to do).
Diagnosis: Chronic headache with migranious tendencies (or chronic migraine w/out aura). I find this amusing b/c I had been told by 4 other neurologists that these headaches aren't migraines. He is basing it on the fact that when my head hurts I want to lay down and be alone. Doesn't everyone want to do that when they have a headache? *shrugs*
I mentioned that it might be tied in with my cycles and he wasn't convinced. (???) and said that regular pills were not advisable at my age (JFC I'm only 35. Oh God I'm 35. Someone prep my headstone now) and that I could try a mini pill, but he didn't want to add too many things in at once and it will be revisited in 3 months when I go again.
So the plan is...
Continue Venlafaxine in am. Currently continue ativan. Add flunarizine as a preventative at night. For pain, I have to go to get a script for some naproxen/triptan combination which will probably kill me but he said this is a far lower dose than the imitrex that sent me to the ER. He also wants me to stop the ativan. I should be titrated off it, he said. I am concerned about this b/c what happens when I have a debilitating panic attack and have no pharmacological help? He said there was nothing that could be prescribed. So everyone in the UK who has anxiety issues just sits there and takes it? I don't believe that for a second. I am hoping my GP can assist me in that area. My mom is sick back home (she is doing fine BTW) and I am trying to get my dissertation started. I need help with the anxiety. It isn't a joke. He al,so said it was harder to come off of ativan than heroin. FUN TIEMS AHEAD. (or not)
Who knows, maybe this new med will be the magic pill . . . . .
New new new new new neurologist
Yes, this was neuro #5. He seemed pleasant enough, but did cut me off a few times when I was explaining some of the medical history and he also declined a copy of the records I had brought with me.
He asked all the usual questions that I have been asked countless times before and he did a basic neuro exam (similiar to what neuro #2 used to do).
Diagnosis: Chronic headache with migranious tendencies (or chronic migraine w/out aura). I find this amusing b/c I had been told by 4 other neurologists that these headaches aren't migraines. He is basing it on the fact that when my head hurts I want to lay down and be alone. Doesn't everyone want to do that when they have a headache? *shrugs*
I mentioned that it might be tied in with my cycles and he wasn't convinced. (???) and said that regular pills were not advisable at my age (JFC I'm only 35. Oh God I'm 35. Someone prep my headstone now) and that I could try a mini pill, but he didn't want to add too many things in at once and it will be revisited in 3 months when I go again.
So the plan is...
Continue Venlafaxine in am. Currently continue ativan. Add flunarizine as a preventative at night. For pain, I have to go to get a script for some naproxen/triptan combination which will probably kill me but he said this is a far lower dose than the imitrex that sent me to the ER. He also wants me to stop the ativan. I should be titrated off it, he said. I am concerned about this b/c what happens when I have a debilitating panic attack and have no pharmacological help? He said there was nothing that could be prescribed. So everyone in the UK who has anxiety issues just sits there and takes it? I don't believe that for a second. I am hoping my GP can assist me in that area. My mom is sick back home (she is doing fine BTW) and I am trying to get my dissertation started. I need help with the anxiety. It isn't a joke. He al,so said it was harder to come off of ativan than heroin. FUN TIEMS AHEAD. (or not)
Who knows, maybe this new med will be the magic pill . . . . .
He asked all the usual questions that I have been asked countless times before and he did a basic neuro exam (similiar to what neuro #2 used to do).
Diagnosis: Chronic headache with migranious tendencies (or chronic migraine w/out aura). I find this amusing b/c I had been told by 4 other neurologists that these headaches aren't migraines. He is basing it on the fact that when my head hurts I want to lay down and be alone. Doesn't everyone want to do that when they have a headache? *shrugs*
I mentioned that it might be tied in with my cycles and he wasn't convinced. (???) and said that regular pills were not advisable at my age (JFC I'm only 35. Oh God I'm 35. Someone prep my headstone now) and that I could try a mini pill, but he didn't want to add too many things in at once and it will be revisited in 3 months when I go again.
So the plan is...
Continue Venlafaxine in am. Currently continue ativan. Add flunarizine as a preventative at night. For pain, I have to go to get a script for some naproxen/triptan combination which will probably kill me but he said this is a far lower dose than the imitrex that sent me to the ER. He also wants me to stop the ativan. I should be titrated off it, he said. I am concerned about this b/c what happens when I have a debilitating panic attack and have no pharmacological help? He said there was nothing that could be prescribed. So everyone in the UK who has anxiety issues just sits there and takes it? I don't believe that for a second. I am hoping my GP can assist me in that area. My mom is sick back home (she is doing fine BTW) and I am trying to get my dissertation started. I need help with the anxiety. It isn't a joke. He al,so said it was harder to come off of ativan than heroin. FUN TIEMS AHEAD. (or not)
Who knows, maybe this new med will be the magic pill . . . . .
13 February 2011
Sunday blues and what I got up to Saturday
I've had this headache for what seems forever, only getting minor relief. All week going to the workshop was torture. I wasn't sleeping b/c of the pain (that and my shoulder) which made getting up at 7 not so fun. I am glad it is over. I really didn't get much out of it, until Thursday and I still have no idea what my assignment is going to be on.
I managed to struggle out to the shops w/ Steph yesterday. First, we went to the farmers market down the hill and it was very cute and I had a lovely fresh scone. We got some all natural soaps and oat bars as well.
Then we went to Buchanan b/c I needed to pick up my new glasses. They were there, and I also picked up some makeup and more meds and other assorted things.
We poked around the area for a bit, popped into Forbidden Planet and then headed home. On the way home I convinced her to stop and be all girly and get a manicure. :)
I had a plan to finish my paper last night, but my head was being unreasonable in the evening so I spent half the time in the dark, and the other half we watched the first 2 episodes of Sherlock (again).
Today I have to finish my research proposal and read for Tuesday. Neither of which are at the top of my list. I hope I can get through at least finishing the paper without my head exploding.
I managed to struggle out to the shops w/ Steph yesterday. First, we went to the farmers market down the hill and it was very cute and I had a lovely fresh scone. We got some all natural soaps and oat bars as well.
Then we went to Buchanan b/c I needed to pick up my new glasses. They were there, and I also picked up some makeup and more meds and other assorted things.
We poked around the area for a bit, popped into Forbidden Planet and then headed home. On the way home I convinced her to stop and be all girly and get a manicure. :)
I had a plan to finish my paper last night, but my head was being unreasonable in the evening so I spent half the time in the dark, and the other half we watched the first 2 episodes of Sherlock (again).
Today I have to finish my research proposal and read for Tuesday. Neither of which are at the top of my list. I hope I can get through at least finishing the paper without my head exploding.
26 January 2011
Update
It's been a busy week, starting off with a Burns night supper, lectures and meetings with classmates, and appointments. I got my big assignment back related to my dissertation and did very well! I am very pleased. Now I must finish my proposal and move on to contacting schools and whatnot to get started!
I did finally get an update on my mum.
Ok. So. She has undefined carcinoma. They were unable to find the primary site of the cancer- so the liver seems to be the secondary. It is very early, but cannot give a stage b/c they can't find the primary site. They believe that it was "female cancer" to begin but that it stopped growing and moved on to the liver. All the other tests are fine and clean and etc.
Chemo will begin 1x/week starting next week. After they see how that goes it will be 2x/week every 3 weeks.
She seems ok with this, and no one said that there should be any worry at this stage. Of course it would be nice if they could find the primary site, but..... they are continuing to lool but everything continues to be normal.
So......yeah.
I did finally get an update on my mum.
Ok. So. She has undefined carcinoma. They were unable to find the primary site of the cancer- so the liver seems to be the secondary. It is very early, but cannot give a stage b/c they can't find the primary site. They believe that it was "female cancer" to begin but that it stopped growing and moved on to the liver. All the other tests are fine and clean and etc.
Chemo will begin 1x/week starting next week. After they see how that goes it will be 2x/week every 3 weeks.
She seems ok with this, and no one said that there should be any worry at this stage. Of course it would be nice if they could find the primary site, but..... they are continuing to lool but everything continues to be normal.
So......yeah.
06 January 2011
Worrywort
Clearly I should be worrying about something that is 9 months in the future. But it is what I do.
So..... after this adventure, what comes next? Do I stay here and try to find a job? Do I go home? I can stay and work 2 years on my student visa. I can see if I can get into the PhD program- if my grades are good enough..... but IDK. The economy sucks all around. Will there be jobs? Teaching jobs? Will I be able to get one? IDK if I could get one back home- given that my graduation is in September and school will already have started. I don't want to go home to live at home and have no job or money.
Unrealistic dream: A certain celeb wakes up and realizes he should be marrying me! And does! And I live happily ever after. :)
Dream: move to London and work there teaching or consulting in regards to bullying issues (or working enough to live LOL)
Realistic: Stay here and hopefully find some sort of work or stay in school.
DO NOT WANT: to go home and have to live with my parents with no money or job. And even if I had a job I'd have no way to get to it with no car and no money to buy one. (not that I don't love my family, it is just a full house there as it is)
Anyone have a crystal ball I can look into? Anyone want to marry me so I can stay here, UK residents only!
So..... after this adventure, what comes next? Do I stay here and try to find a job? Do I go home? I can stay and work 2 years on my student visa. I can see if I can get into the PhD program- if my grades are good enough..... but IDK. The economy sucks all around. Will there be jobs? Teaching jobs? Will I be able to get one? IDK if I could get one back home- given that my graduation is in September and school will already have started. I don't want to go home to live at home and have no job or money.
Unrealistic dream: A certain celeb wakes up and realizes he should be marrying me! And does! And I live happily ever after. :)
Dream: move to London and work there teaching or consulting in regards to bullying issues (or working enough to live LOL)
Realistic: Stay here and hopefully find some sort of work or stay in school.
DO NOT WANT: to go home and have to live with my parents with no money or job. And even if I had a job I'd have no way to get to it with no car and no money to buy one. (not that I don't love my family, it is just a full house there as it is)
Anyone have a crystal ball I can look into? Anyone want to marry me so I can stay here, UK residents only!
12 August 2010
A dream come true
Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to go to the UK. Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to travel. Now I am fufilling both of those dreams. In less than a month I will be off for a year to Glasgow to get a second Master's degree in Education.
This will be the blog where I post my ramblings overseas, my fascination with all things UK, and being a student at the ripe old age of 35.
More to come as I prepare to cross the pond. :)
This will be the blog where I post my ramblings overseas, my fascination with all things UK, and being a student at the ripe old age of 35.
More to come as I prepare to cross the pond. :)
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