Please do not read if you are offended by the liberal use of the f word (and all its cognates) or if you don't want to read about my screw ups and probably my terrible spelling b/c I am typing in a rage.
1. I think I totally fucked up my dissertation. I've never written one before and I was given no real guidelinews- I was told just to do it. Well that is what I did. And I have been writing it like an essay- actually more like how the book I hope to write using this as background would go. Which apparently thanks to Steph and her finding a book on writing a dissertation, (PHEW) IS WRONG.
I'm supposed to have a research question and a method. Well you see, after I came back from ther states there wasn't time to get my research approved, so I have just been doing it as an essay, not with the planned way I had with the research and the bunnies and everything. (Ok no bunnies, but whatever).
So now I need to figure out if I can salvage the 10K words I have written without having to start over when I have about a week, 2 at the most to finish.
Of course my advisor is away until Friday. FML.
2. The above is all my fault. I just have had such a hard time getting back in to it..since I came back from the states...and I just want to cry and yell and scream because I am very fucking angry. I fucking miss her and I hate this and everything. It is not fucking fair. And before you ask, I have talked to someone, 2 someones in fact and it didn't help. I am sorry but there is no in your time of need angel sitting on my fucking shoulder right now. I think that is a load of bollocks- no disrespect to those of you who believe that, but I don't see it.
3. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what is going to happeb after this dissertation- if I can pull it off and get the degree and get into the PhD program. Good. Brilliant. Fantastic. But if not....well I am not sure I even *passed* one of the classes b/c of the way the things are graded here, I just don't get.....
4. I suck at asking for help. I'm almost 36. I should GET it by now. I should be independent and have it down. But I still manage to fuck it up- mainly b/c I don't know how to ask for help.
5. I'm terrified of what will happen if I have to go home. I know I have talked about this before but where am I going to go? What am I going to do? Will I be able to find a job?
6. I have sucked at eating well, drinking water, and haven't gone to the gym in ages.
7. I haven't even had time to write about how I met David Tennant and how he is soft and smells like heaven, which sums it up really.
8. Lastly, it would really be great if fucking grandpa would shut the fuck up about certain people. No one wants to hear you shoot your gob off. And now you are ruining one of my favourite shows. NO LOVE.- me.
Showing posts with label Doctor Who. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doctor Who. Show all posts
05 July 2011
13 June 2011
A weekend of highs and lows (sorry it's long!)
This weekend was really awesome in some ways, and absolutely horrendous in others. I hope I can do justice in documenting it.
Thursday night:
Steph and I took the overnight bus from Glasgow to London. Let me warn you, folks. Not a good idea. While very cheap, it SUCKS. We had hoped to spread out (like everyone else) but ended up having to sit together, which while fine, it just meant neither of us had much room. It also meant I didn't sleep. At all. The bus itself was noisy, it was too light (for me), and the seats were uncomfortable. The only good thing was the wi-fi. Finally at 4ish I gave up trying to rest and listened to the Red Sox rout the Yankees, which gave me enough adrenaline to function once we arrived in London.
Friday:
Once we arrived we set up camp in a Starbucks for a while (waiting for the commuter rush to be over) and had coffee and breakfast. The pancakes were pretty good, IMO. We hung out there for a while and then got on the Tube and headed to Leicester Square. We walked around a bit, and then got more coffee at Costa and figured out the rest of the day.
We then got the tube and a train to Crystal Palace, where our hotel was. Now, google maps really fucked up on this one and had us walk this RIDICULOUS way to the hotel up 2 massive hills where I was actually convinced I was going to have a heart attack and die. My ankle was killing, I was starving, and I was walking up this hill that was insane. And did I mention it was raining and I am carrying a heavy backpack?
We finally got to the hotel (early) and sat waiting for the room to be ready. Finally, it was- all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't care that the restaurant that was advertised to be a part of the hotel didn't exist. I just wanted to sleep. I did just that.
2 hours and change later, Steph woke me up. Now, at this point, I really wish I had just told her to go on without me. I was that tired. (and in hindsight I wish I had). I finally dragged myself into the shower and got ready. We found an easier way to walk back to the train station and on the way stopped at a restaurant called the Grape and the Grain. I had a falafel sandwich, and it was really, really good. I was starving at that point and was planning on stopping at the first place we saw, I just needed to eat as it was a long time since those pancakes.
We ate and then headed to the train station and took the train back into the city to go back into Leicester square. It was our plan to wait for David Tennant and Catherine Tate after the evening performance of Much Ado.... (this was the backup plan in case when we see them later in the month that we had a chance for autographs). When we got there the barriers were up, but no one was out waiting yet, so we figured we had some time to kill. We wandered around and went to Amorino for gelato (the best gelato in the world IMO)
It was raining, so after the gelato, we found refuge in little shops, trying to stay dry. It was at this point I began to get very panicked and nervous. I have issues with social anxiety, which I think was the main contribution to being so panicked, and being exhausted- also a trigger. When we arrived back at the barrier, Steph was so excited, I knew I couldn't ruin this for her, so I said I would just wait for her away from the theatre....
I paced around for a bit, and then decided so I went to get a coffee across from the theatre. I ordered from the take away menu, but they had me sit down and they'd bring me my coffee. They did and asked me to pay. Now the menu said £1.80 and they now told me it was £2.70. I explained I had asked for take away as I didn't have the £2.70 ( I had £2.66) and they didn't take cards either. So the waitress went away to ask about it and came back and told me that they would have to take the coffee away and told me I needed to leave immediately. (So they would rather lose 4 pence than put the coffee in a take away cup and give it to me?) Humiliated, I walked away. What I didn't know, was that this wouldn't be the most humiliating part of my evening yet.
I walked around back to the front of the theatre, but across the street to wait. A group of quite possibly very drunk people came up to me and shoved me into the grate behind me, and walked away laughing. Not much later, some random guy walked past me, said "fat bitch," and spit on me. (Luckily I had a napkin in my pocket.) I was humiliated and embarrassed, and I felt terrible- like I was back in high school being bulled and barked at on a daily basis. And then of course (since I am doing my dissertation on bullying) began thinking of others who have had it so much worse and I realized I was getting a bit desensitized to this kind of behaviour, b/c when I tweeted about it so many people were in an outrage - (while I was blaming myself for how I looked, how I am, how I can't seem to get myself under control and lose weight and how painful doing some things is there by perpetuating the entire thing in a vicious cycle.)
Steph came back from getting Catherine Tate and David Tennant's autographs a little after, and I was very happy she was happy and glad she was done, b/c I just wanted to go back to the hotel- which we did after a bit of difficulty in trying to get a cab back to the hotel ( I was too tired and sore to walk the mile in the rain and dark.)
Saturday:
Saturday we had a big day planned. We needed to check out of the hotel, go to Barking (on the other side of London) to Big Finish day to meet Colin Baker and Sophie Aldred, and then go back to the other side of London to Clapham Common to see INXS. (When I made the original plans I was just going to the concert alone, and then when I won 2 tickets Steph decided to come with me and then we found out about Big Finish day, hence the back and forth.)
We headed out, got money and breakfast and took the overground, to the DLR, to the train to Barking. We weren't 100% sure about the directions google maps gave us, so we took a cab to the location (good thing as the maps had it wrong). We wandered around looking at merchandise and pictures and whatnot waiting for the celebs to come back from lunch.
Finally we got a chance to talk to Colin Baker. He was funny and gracious. I told him we found his tweets funny, and he asked what my username was- I told him what it was and that I was the one who kept asking for the Bayban avatar. He laughed and said he was trying to find a picture and would change it soon for me. :) He signed for us and then we went on our way to meet Sophie Aldred who took a picture with the Plushies for us!
She also signed for us and then we decided we had enough of the con and headed off to make our way to Clapham Commons. We had time to kill, so we stopped at Starbucks to have a coffee before heading over.
We finally went over to the commons, and found a place to sit and relax. It was nice out at that point, and there were plenty of people to watch and it was nice to just relax.
Finally, INXS came on and I was so excited. I jumped around and danced and sang along. ( I am going to make a separate blog entry just for the show)
As soon as the show was over, we had to book it to the tube to get to Victoria station in time for the bus. We made it just in time (had the tube not kept STOPPING for no reason, we would have had plenty of time.) The bus driver was very rude to me and told me that usually they leave 5 minutes early (if you leave at 10 you should leave at 10) and that we should have gotten there earlier. I explained that we got lost trying to find the bus area as it isn't attached to Victoria. He didn't care and told us we couldn't bring dinner on as it was hot food. (what is the friggin' difference between a hot and cold sandwich). I didn't care, I shoved it in my bag and ate it anyway. I was starving!
We couldn't even sit together on the bus b/c people were all spread out and wouldn't share or move so we could sit together. It was extremely rude and I was really pissed off. And the guy I ended up sitting next to kept spreading over into my seat- at one point I was sitting on the handle and had no where to move- I was going to sit on the floor in the aisle at that point! I didn't sleep at all again, and I was SO glad when we got back to Glasgow.
We got home at about 7ish, I changed and passed out until about 4 in the afternoon, got up and ate dinner, and went back to bed. I am still tired now, but not as much.
And how was your weekend?
Thursday night:
Steph and I took the overnight bus from Glasgow to London. Let me warn you, folks. Not a good idea. While very cheap, it SUCKS. We had hoped to spread out (like everyone else) but ended up having to sit together, which while fine, it just meant neither of us had much room. It also meant I didn't sleep. At all. The bus itself was noisy, it was too light (for me), and the seats were uncomfortable. The only good thing was the wi-fi. Finally at 4ish I gave up trying to rest and listened to the Red Sox rout the Yankees, which gave me enough adrenaline to function once we arrived in London.
Friday:
Once we arrived we set up camp in a Starbucks for a while (waiting for the commuter rush to be over) and had coffee and breakfast. The pancakes were pretty good, IMO. We hung out there for a while and then got on the Tube and headed to Leicester Square. We walked around a bit, and then got more coffee at Costa and figured out the rest of the day.
We then got the tube and a train to Crystal Palace, where our hotel was. Now, google maps really fucked up on this one and had us walk this RIDICULOUS way to the hotel up 2 massive hills where I was actually convinced I was going to have a heart attack and die. My ankle was killing, I was starving, and I was walking up this hill that was insane. And did I mention it was raining and I am carrying a heavy backpack?
We finally got to the hotel (early) and sat waiting for the room to be ready. Finally, it was- all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't care that the restaurant that was advertised to be a part of the hotel didn't exist. I just wanted to sleep. I did just that.
2 hours and change later, Steph woke me up. Now, at this point, I really wish I had just told her to go on without me. I was that tired. (and in hindsight I wish I had). I finally dragged myself into the shower and got ready. We found an easier way to walk back to the train station and on the way stopped at a restaurant called the Grape and the Grain. I had a falafel sandwich, and it was really, really good. I was starving at that point and was planning on stopping at the first place we saw, I just needed to eat as it was a long time since those pancakes.
We ate and then headed to the train station and took the train back into the city to go back into Leicester square. It was our plan to wait for David Tennant and Catherine Tate after the evening performance of Much Ado.... (this was the backup plan in case when we see them later in the month that we had a chance for autographs). When we got there the barriers were up, but no one was out waiting yet, so we figured we had some time to kill. We wandered around and went to Amorino for gelato (the best gelato in the world IMO)
It was raining, so after the gelato, we found refuge in little shops, trying to stay dry. It was at this point I began to get very panicked and nervous. I have issues with social anxiety, which I think was the main contribution to being so panicked, and being exhausted- also a trigger. When we arrived back at the barrier, Steph was so excited, I knew I couldn't ruin this for her, so I said I would just wait for her away from the theatre....
I paced around for a bit, and then decided so I went to get a coffee across from the theatre. I ordered from the take away menu, but they had me sit down and they'd bring me my coffee. They did and asked me to pay. Now the menu said £1.80 and they now told me it was £2.70. I explained I had asked for take away as I didn't have the £2.70 ( I had £2.66) and they didn't take cards either. So the waitress went away to ask about it and came back and told me that they would have to take the coffee away and told me I needed to leave immediately. (So they would rather lose 4 pence than put the coffee in a take away cup and give it to me?) Humiliated, I walked away. What I didn't know, was that this wouldn't be the most humiliating part of my evening yet.
I walked around back to the front of the theatre, but across the street to wait. A group of quite possibly very drunk people came up to me and shoved me into the grate behind me, and walked away laughing. Not much later, some random guy walked past me, said "fat bitch," and spit on me. (Luckily I had a napkin in my pocket.) I was humiliated and embarrassed, and I felt terrible- like I was back in high school being bulled and barked at on a daily basis. And then of course (since I am doing my dissertation on bullying) began thinking of others who have had it so much worse and I realized I was getting a bit desensitized to this kind of behaviour, b/c when I tweeted about it so many people were in an outrage - (while I was blaming myself for how I looked, how I am, how I can't seem to get myself under control and lose weight and how painful doing some things is there by perpetuating the entire thing in a vicious cycle.)
Steph came back from getting Catherine Tate and David Tennant's autographs a little after, and I was very happy she was happy and glad she was done, b/c I just wanted to go back to the hotel- which we did after a bit of difficulty in trying to get a cab back to the hotel ( I was too tired and sore to walk the mile in the rain and dark.)
Saturday:
Saturday we had a big day planned. We needed to check out of the hotel, go to Barking (on the other side of London) to Big Finish day to meet Colin Baker and Sophie Aldred, and then go back to the other side of London to Clapham Common to see INXS. (When I made the original plans I was just going to the concert alone, and then when I won 2 tickets Steph decided to come with me and then we found out about Big Finish day, hence the back and forth.)
We headed out, got money and breakfast and took the overground, to the DLR, to the train to Barking. We weren't 100% sure about the directions google maps gave us, so we took a cab to the location (good thing as the maps had it wrong). We wandered around looking at merchandise and pictures and whatnot waiting for the celebs to come back from lunch.
Finally we got a chance to talk to Colin Baker. He was funny and gracious. I told him we found his tweets funny, and he asked what my username was- I told him what it was and that I was the one who kept asking for the Bayban avatar. He laughed and said he was trying to find a picture and would change it soon for me. :) He signed for us and then we went on our way to meet Sophie Aldred who took a picture with the Plushies for us!
She also signed for us and then we decided we had enough of the con and headed off to make our way to Clapham Commons. We had time to kill, so we stopped at Starbucks to have a coffee before heading over.
We finally went over to the commons, and found a place to sit and relax. It was nice out at that point, and there were plenty of people to watch and it was nice to just relax.
Finally, INXS came on and I was so excited. I jumped around and danced and sang along. ( I am going to make a separate blog entry just for the show)
As soon as the show was over, we had to book it to the tube to get to Victoria station in time for the bus. We made it just in time (had the tube not kept STOPPING for no reason, we would have had plenty of time.) The bus driver was very rude to me and told me that usually they leave 5 minutes early (if you leave at 10 you should leave at 10) and that we should have gotten there earlier. I explained that we got lost trying to find the bus area as it isn't attached to Victoria. He didn't care and told us we couldn't bring dinner on as it was hot food. (what is the friggin' difference between a hot and cold sandwich). I didn't care, I shoved it in my bag and ate it anyway. I was starving!
We couldn't even sit together on the bus b/c people were all spread out and wouldn't share or move so we could sit together. It was extremely rude and I was really pissed off. And the guy I ended up sitting next to kept spreading over into my seat- at one point I was sitting on the handle and had no where to move- I was going to sit on the floor in the aisle at that point! I didn't sleep at all again, and I was SO glad when we got back to Glasgow.
We got home at about 7ish, I changed and passed out until about 4 in the afternoon, got up and ate dinner, and went back to bed. I am still tired now, but not as much.
And how was your weekend?
21 May 2011
Yesterday/today catchup
I did about 25 mins of upper body and then C25K. I was VERY sweaty at the end. I wanted to spin some but both bikes were being used and the class was full so I walked to the bus and then headed home. Not bad. :)
I ordered a new Polar HRM that is more up to date and will help me better train. I can't wait to get my Polar FT7 HRM!
2. Grad school-I did meet with my professor on Thursday and he was totally fine that I hadn't gotten very far. We discussed some changes and I will be making for the paper and what else needs to be done. I also ran into some of my classmates and they hadn't done anything really either, so I don't feel bad or behind anymore. So I have 20,000 words to write for it. Good times. I have a TON of research done already. Just need to read it all.
3. Stephanie finished a big paper yesterday so we went out for dinner. I had grilled chicken and it came with a grilled veggie tart. It was delish. I also had some chips- b/c the chips at the Curler's Rest are so delish. And as a treat we had ice cream at the only Coldstone in Glasgow. I had tiramisu. Yum. :)
4. Today it's raining. It's miserable out and I have no desire to go out in it. I did walk a quick 2 miles to Boots and back to get my prescription and some coffee. My ankle is really tender today so staying off it seems like a good idea. Tomorrow I booked into a Body Pump class and that should be a good workout.
As for the rest of today- Doctor Who at 6:45 and some reading. A nice, quiet, lazy day.
15 May 2011
Saturday's workout
I had a great workout on Saturday. I did weights for 20 minutes (upper body), 30 minutes on the elliptical, and then another half hour on the treadmill doing C25K.
The C25K was the hardest by far. My ankle/foot was not happy about it, and it being the end of the workout, I was getting tired. At the end as I cooled down, I had taken off my headphones. I was feeling grumpy and frustrated over how difficult I found doing C25K. And playing at the gym was the song that had been my mom's ringback tone. And suddenly I felt a lot better. :)
I hope that I will have improved a lot by the time my first 5K comes about on 5th June. Stephanie and I are doing the Race for Life. If you are so inclined you can sponsor us here.
Today is being spent at the library working on my dissertation and research. My ankle needs the day off.
How have you gotten your workout on this weekend? Are you running any races soon?
And my fellow Whovians, what did you think of The Doctor's Wife? I thought it was brilliant and the best episode since the Tennant years!
The C25K was the hardest by far. My ankle/foot was not happy about it, and it being the end of the workout, I was getting tired. At the end as I cooled down, I had taken off my headphones. I was feeling grumpy and frustrated over how difficult I found doing C25K. And playing at the gym was the song that had been my mom's ringback tone. And suddenly I felt a lot better. :)
I hope that I will have improved a lot by the time my first 5K comes about on 5th June. Stephanie and I are doing the Race for Life. If you are so inclined you can sponsor us here.
Today is being spent at the library working on my dissertation and research. My ankle needs the day off.
How have you gotten your workout on this weekend? Are you running any races soon?
And my fellow Whovians, what did you think of The Doctor's Wife? I thought it was brilliant and the best episode since the Tennant years!
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