The Power of Positive Thinking?

Anyone who knows me, or who reads this blog for that matter (which is probably why I don't get many comments) knows or has read that I am a glass is half empty kinda gal.  I am always negative.  Nothing is every right.  Nothing ever goes right.  I'm a mess, a disaster, and nothing good ever happens to me. 

I certainly feel that way right now.  This year has sucked so far.  I've had health issues.  My mum has died.  I've had academic issues.  My flat has been robbed, and belongings stolen.  I can't lose weight.  I was sick for over  a month.  I went to London and got spat on.  I could go on.

So while I am very aware of how negative I am, I wonder how much of this is the fault of negative thinking?  I mean I am sure I didn't have a cold/infection/whatever for a month + because I was upset about being ill.  I am sure my flat wasn't burgled because I am down on myself all the time, right? 

My question is, is that if I were more positive, would things go right?  Would finishing my dissertation be a breeze?  Will I meet David Tennant next week?  Will I get into the PhD programme or get a fab job offer?  Will I suddenly lose 20 pounds and get rid of this headache I've had for 5 years? 

Because I will be honest.  I am starting to panic.  My dissertation is due on 3 August.  (I had no idea what the due date was b/c I didn't see the attachment I was sent before today and I really thought I had more time.)  I still don't know what the deal will be with the PhD programme.  I was under the impression that all the document were received based on an email I received but I checked the online checker thing and it said it was on hold waiting for documents.  And if I don't get in, how am I going to get home?  Will I have a place to live, a job, anything?  I am really in a panic here.  People always say things will work out, but I don't want to go back home and be homeless and have nothing at all. 

So do I think positively and get on with it or do I keep with my negative (but realistic as I always thought) ways?  And that way I will be pleased when the outcome is positive, but not disappointed if it isn't. 


Ok.  Procrastination over.

How do you do it?

Every day I read a lot of blogs (mostly when I should be working on my dissertation) and one thing I've noticed overall is how almost all the writers are up early working out or up early working (even if they aren't working in the workplace.)

As a grad student I make my own hours, and I find it difficult to get up before noon.  Getting up today at around 10:30ish was killer and required a nap later on. Even when on vacation in London when we had to get up for free breakfast (which is a real motivator in my books) we managed it twice. And that was only making sure we were up by 9:20, a feat which should be relatively easy.

Even when I was working full time and had to get up at 6ish, it was difficult and it took a lot of coffee to get me going.  Don't even get me started on trying to workout before.  The few times I attempted it left me red faced, sweaty and icky, and that was before dealing with the kids at school!

So, how do you do it?  Is sleeping late the cause of my weight gain and inability to lose weight?  Is it the wacky hours I keep?  Is it eating dinner at 9pm or later?  Or is it my laziness? Is it caused by being so far away from home and knowing that if I go out, when I come back I have to walk up 3 flights of stairs which makes my ankle hurt and my lungs want to collapse?  Is it a side effect of all those years of meds which never worked to try to fix my headache which still hasn't gone away, or from wrecking my body with Optifast in 2006?

Am I just making excuses?
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I think I know I am frustrated.  I expected in the 2 weeks I worked out a lot to have lost at least a pound.  Right?  I was eating better, working out, I had more energy.  So of course I gained 3 pounds.

Being sick for the past 2 weeks hasn't really helped and I've managed a handful of workouts and the 5K b/c I haven't had the energy or been able to breathe from the coughing to workout.  (I've been to the doctor- they said it lasts 2-3 weeks, and there is nothing they can do, I just need rest and fluids, which I've been doing.)

I hope after my quickie trip to London this weekend I will be feeling more myself and back to working out and whatnot.  Because I certainly do not want to feel this way anymore.


How do you overcome setbacks?  


Are you a morning person?

Fitblog questions in detail

I really enjoyed this week's fitblog questions to the point I wanted to expand on them considering it is hard to detail everything you want to say in one tweet.  

Q1. When you were younger, what did “fitness” mean to you? What does it mean now?


Well, when I was a kid I liked gym enough unless it was a picking teams kind of thing b/c I was always picked last even though I was good at kickball and softball.  In fact I had the best softball throw in the 6th grade and was supposed to go to the city wide tourney, but other kids said since I had no friends and was fat, that I should let the second place winner go instead since she would have people to be with and cheer for her.  So I let her go.  


I wasn't allowed to play sports as a kid b/c my parents were afraid I would get injured and we couldn't afford it.  The most I ever did was a few sessions of gymnastics and swimming.  Had I participated in sports, perhaps I wouldn't have been so overweight and had been healthier growing up.   I wasn't even allowed a bike until I was in the 4th grade and I had to have training wheels.  It was EMBARRASSING.  Not only was I fat, but I was a freak.


Once I got to middle and high school I did everything to avoid gym class b/c it meant changing and being overweight it was uncomfortable.  I hated the sports we played since I didn't know how to play since I didn't play team sports.


Now.....well I still don't like working out 100%.  I think if I were 100 lbs lighter it would be SO much easier to spin and do pilates and run and I would like it more.  I try to enjoy it as best as I can, but I feel very self conscious most of the time and try to stay out of the limelight and in the back and not stand out or talk or ask questions.


Q2. Was there anyone in the past who influenced your healthy lifestyle? Family, friends, celebrities, etc. Any influencers now?


Not as a kid considering, I hated to watch sports and I didn't participate in it so.....


Now, I am a HUGE Boston Red Sox fan so I enjoy watching them play.  It also influenced me a few years back when I played softball as an adult for the first time which was a dream come true.


I don't really have any celebs who influence me- I mean I would like to have a celebrity body LOL!  I get more inspiration from reading blogs by people who have lost weight and gained confidence; regular people like me who are doing it and working at it as hard as they can.


Q3. Are there any exercise trends that you wish would return? What have you secretly wanted to try?


I would like to return my Optifast experience, even though it wasn't an exercise trend.  A few years back, I got so frustrated trying to lose weight, I went on Optifast.  Optifast is a doctor monitored low calorie liquid diet where you consume 890 calories per day.  (I was also running 3 miles 3-4 times a week at the same time as I was training for a 5k)  I had few options on it besides the shake and one kind of bar due to my food allergies, but I stuck with it for 3 months despite the fact that it was RIDIC expensive and I was getting very ill, dizzy and having heart palpitations-nearly passing out several times. (I googled about Optifast and read how people had lost family members on this diet....and freaked.)  In fact I had my b/p taken during one of these spells and it was 60/40.  That was the last day I followed the diet.  I went home from work and ate a small pizza and felt much better.    I only lost about 10 pounds in total on this diet, which sucked considering at the group meetings we would have after weighing in, people were losing that in one week, and I was hardly losing weight at all and it was frustrating and a very bad experience and I would not recommend it to anyone at all, ever.


Right now I wish I could play softball again!  As far as what is popular right now, I suppose I wish I was coordinated enough to take a Zumba class, but I am lucky I can walk without falling over in sneakers, and most of the time don't know my left from my right so..... me in a Zumba class would be dangerous!


Q4. Fast forward 5 years into the future. What will you have accomplished fitness or blogging wise by then?


I would like to have a successful blog by then, where I actually have readers and commenter's. Right now that is really bringing me down.


I would like to have done several more 5K's and at least one 10K.


I hope to have written a book/journal article on bullying (this is what my second post grad degree, and my potential PhD is on).