Fitblog from June 7th

I'm still blog catchup from last week when I was sick.

Q1. What current thought keeps you from being your healthiest right now?

I feel currently like I am a failure.  I'm at my highest weight.  I can't seem to get on a routine.  Even when I am working out and eating well, I am not losing weight.  I have been to doctors and all they tell me is to keep trying, that there is nothing wrong with me.  Maybe there isn't but it doesn't make me any less frustrated when just going up stairs makes me want to collapse.

Q2. What current action/habit keeps you from being your healthiest right now?

"Not having time."  I am post grad student trying to finish my dissertation so I spend a lot of time doing research and writing.  I also can't seem to get out of bed most days before noon.  Both these things are keeping me from being on a "normal" schedule.

Q3. What do you need to change that action? How can we help?

I need to find a way to reset my sleep schedule, get myself up earlier, always  have healthy options in place (or to be on some sort of plan be it Tony Ferguson, SlimFast or low carb as I seem to work better when I am on a restrictive plan- even if it is isn't 100% reasonable long term.  That was how I lost 85 lbs before, and it looks like I am the kind of person who needs to be all or nothing.  I guess I need assistance in figuring what plan would be best for me, and having someone to help me implement and stay on track.  Having comments and people rooting for me also would help.

Q4. What one feat/challenge (big or small) will you try/do/work towards this month?

I will try to drink 100oz of water per day.  That is a goal I can easily achieve.

How do you do it?

Every day I read a lot of blogs (mostly when I should be working on my dissertation) and one thing I've noticed overall is how almost all the writers are up early working out or up early working (even if they aren't working in the workplace.)

As a grad student I make my own hours, and I find it difficult to get up before noon.  Getting up today at around 10:30ish was killer and required a nap later on. Even when on vacation in London when we had to get up for free breakfast (which is a real motivator in my books) we managed it twice. And that was only making sure we were up by 9:20, a feat which should be relatively easy.

Even when I was working full time and had to get up at 6ish, it was difficult and it took a lot of coffee to get me going.  Don't even get me started on trying to workout before.  The few times I attempted it left me red faced, sweaty and icky, and that was before dealing with the kids at school!

So, how do you do it?  Is sleeping late the cause of my weight gain and inability to lose weight?  Is it the wacky hours I keep?  Is it eating dinner at 9pm or later?  Or is it my laziness? Is it caused by being so far away from home and knowing that if I go out, when I come back I have to walk up 3 flights of stairs which makes my ankle hurt and my lungs want to collapse?  Is it a side effect of all those years of meds which never worked to try to fix my headache which still hasn't gone away, or from wrecking my body with Optifast in 2006?

Am I just making excuses?
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I think I know I am frustrated.  I expected in the 2 weeks I worked out a lot to have lost at least a pound.  Right?  I was eating better, working out, I had more energy.  So of course I gained 3 pounds.

Being sick for the past 2 weeks hasn't really helped and I've managed a handful of workouts and the 5K b/c I haven't had the energy or been able to breathe from the coughing to workout.  (I've been to the doctor- they said it lasts 2-3 weeks, and there is nothing they can do, I just need rest and fluids, which I've been doing.)

I hope after my quickie trip to London this weekend I will be feeling more myself and back to working out and whatnot.  Because I certainly do not want to feel this way anymore.


How do you overcome setbacks?  


Are you a morning person?

Catch up Friday

I've been feeling so miserable the past few days I haven't done much of anything.  I feel a tiny bit better today and finally feel hungry, so hopefully whatever this is is finally leaving my system.  It also may explain why the practice 5K I did on Sunday was so miserable and I had no energy.  It did help me to lose 3 pounds!  


1.  I did manage to go to Pilates on Tuesday which kicked my ass.  That is the only formal workout I've had this week and may be the only one until Sunday.  It sucks, but when I'm sick and feeling achy and miserable the last thing I want to do is exercise.  


2.  #Fitblog chat.  Since I am in Glasgow, this means the chats are at 3am for me.  I sometimes am awake, but this week, being under the weather, I was asleep.  Here are my responses.

Q1) 75% give up on New Year's Resolutions within weeks. Let's discuss our goals for the second half of the year and how we plan to stick to them.


-keep going to the gym as much as I can while writing my dissertation 
-don't give into temptation for take out b/c it is easier and means I don't have to do the dishes
-eat more whole grains
I plan to do this, by just DOING it, and not saying I am going to do it.


Q2) What are your goals for the rest of the year?
-lose a minimum of 20 lbs
-go to the gym/workout a minimum of 3 times/ week
-finish dissertation without losing my mind


Q3) How do you set goals?
I set goals by looking at my current habits and finding ways that I can change them positively.


Q4) What resources do you use to help you stick to your goals
Other blogs, health and fitness magazines, tracking my weight and activity and looking for trends.


3.  Goals for this weekend?
-feel better, do as best as I can do on the 5K, and read for my dissertation


What are your weekend plans?

Sunday's workout

Today was supposed to be a practice dry run for my upcoming 5K.   It was not very promising.  I had got 5 minutes in my walk to the park and my hip was killing.  I tried stretching and all sorts of movement to get it to feel right, and I could just not get it aligned.

View of University of Glasgow from within Kelvingrove Park

Once I got to the park and began the running portion, it was not good.  I managed 1.5/4 out of the running portions of week 3 day 1 of C25K.  Granted I have not run outside in about a year and all the running I have been doing over the past 2-3 weeks has been on the treadmill, but I know I will be walking most of Sunday's 5K.

It will be so much easier if I can lose weight (quickly) and keep it off to run, and to do anything.

Tomorrow's workout is a pilates class and either walking or biking.  I also need to start to figure out a way to get to the gym once this bus pass runs out.  The bus pass costs more than the gym membership!

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Total mileage today: 5.79 miles

Fitblog questions in detail

I really enjoyed this week's fitblog questions to the point I wanted to expand on them considering it is hard to detail everything you want to say in one tweet.  

Q1. When you were younger, what did “fitness” mean to you? What does it mean now?


Well, when I was a kid I liked gym enough unless it was a picking teams kind of thing b/c I was always picked last even though I was good at kickball and softball.  In fact I had the best softball throw in the 6th grade and was supposed to go to the city wide tourney, but other kids said since I had no friends and was fat, that I should let the second place winner go instead since she would have people to be with and cheer for her.  So I let her go.  


I wasn't allowed to play sports as a kid b/c my parents were afraid I would get injured and we couldn't afford it.  The most I ever did was a few sessions of gymnastics and swimming.  Had I participated in sports, perhaps I wouldn't have been so overweight and had been healthier growing up.   I wasn't even allowed a bike until I was in the 4th grade and I had to have training wheels.  It was EMBARRASSING.  Not only was I fat, but I was a freak.


Once I got to middle and high school I did everything to avoid gym class b/c it meant changing and being overweight it was uncomfortable.  I hated the sports we played since I didn't know how to play since I didn't play team sports.


Now.....well I still don't like working out 100%.  I think if I were 100 lbs lighter it would be SO much easier to spin and do pilates and run and I would like it more.  I try to enjoy it as best as I can, but I feel very self conscious most of the time and try to stay out of the limelight and in the back and not stand out or talk or ask questions.


Q2. Was there anyone in the past who influenced your healthy lifestyle? Family, friends, celebrities, etc. Any influencers now?


Not as a kid considering, I hated to watch sports and I didn't participate in it so.....


Now, I am a HUGE Boston Red Sox fan so I enjoy watching them play.  It also influenced me a few years back when I played softball as an adult for the first time which was a dream come true.


I don't really have any celebs who influence me- I mean I would like to have a celebrity body LOL!  I get more inspiration from reading blogs by people who have lost weight and gained confidence; regular people like me who are doing it and working at it as hard as they can.


Q3. Are there any exercise trends that you wish would return? What have you secretly wanted to try?


I would like to return my Optifast experience, even though it wasn't an exercise trend.  A few years back, I got so frustrated trying to lose weight, I went on Optifast.  Optifast is a doctor monitored low calorie liquid diet where you consume 890 calories per day.  (I was also running 3 miles 3-4 times a week at the same time as I was training for a 5k)  I had few options on it besides the shake and one kind of bar due to my food allergies, but I stuck with it for 3 months despite the fact that it was RIDIC expensive and I was getting very ill, dizzy and having heart palpitations-nearly passing out several times. (I googled about Optifast and read how people had lost family members on this diet....and freaked.)  In fact I had my b/p taken during one of these spells and it was 60/40.  That was the last day I followed the diet.  I went home from work and ate a small pizza and felt much better.    I only lost about 10 pounds in total on this diet, which sucked considering at the group meetings we would have after weighing in, people were losing that in one week, and I was hardly losing weight at all and it was frustrating and a very bad experience and I would not recommend it to anyone at all, ever.


Right now I wish I could play softball again!  As far as what is popular right now, I suppose I wish I was coordinated enough to take a Zumba class, but I am lucky I can walk without falling over in sneakers, and most of the time don't know my left from my right so..... me in a Zumba class would be dangerous!


Q4. Fast forward 5 years into the future. What will you have accomplished fitness or blogging wise by then?


I would like to have a successful blog by then, where I actually have readers and commenter's. Right now that is really bringing me down.


I would like to have done several more 5K's and at least one 10K.


I hope to have written a book/journal article on bullying (this is what my second post grad degree, and my potential PhD is on).   

All about me

After participating in last night's #fitblog on twitter (hosted beautifully by Skinny Emmie!) I got a ton of new followers.  Hopefully this will translate to new followers and commenters here!  So I figured I would post an about me.  If you know me, feel free to move along.

I don't know where to begin really.  I was born and raised in MA, USA.  Up until last September, I lived in Boston as a substitute teacher.  (I'm a licensed teacher in MA, in elementary education- but there are few jobs.) I am currently living in Glasgow, Scotland getting my second Masters in education.  I will be spending the summer working on my dissertation on school bullying.

I've applied to the PhD program here and am waiting on finding out if I've been accepted.  If so,  I will be researching bullying and its effects on upper primary grade children.  If I am not accepted, I will be having a nervous breakdown figuring out what I am going to do come September.

I've always been overweight.  In 1999 I started working out and eating better (and a lot less) and lost 85 pounds.  I didn't keep up the healthy lifestyle for a variety of reasons and over the past 10 years have gained all the weight back.

I tried several different diets, and in 2003 I went on Optifast.  I got really ill on this diet and didn't lose much weight at all (~10lbs), despite eating less than 900 calories a day and running 3 days a week.  Since then I have suffered from severe daily headaches that can leave me bedridden and miserable.  I have had countless tests and have seen 5 different neurologists.  The diagnoses range from chronic daily headache syndrome to chronic daily migraines.  Not one of the 5 doctors have had a definitive diagnosis or agreed with one another. It is frustrating, but I try to manage as best as I can.

Earlier last year I had been doing a lot better weight wise and right before I had breast reduction surgery in July.  After moving to Scotland and then losing my mum earlier this year, I've managed to gain a lot of weight despite trying various diet plans and recently going back to the gym.  I am assuming that this has to do with me eating my emotions and not dealing with how I am feeling over moving and losing my mum.  I mostly think I really like food and eating it- I just need to re-learn how to do it in moderation and not lose control.

Right now I am trying to get back into regular workouts as I love how it makes me feel (especially spinning), but I have a hard time staying motivated when I don't see any results.  (I know I shouldn't expect to see a lot of results in 2 weeks, but I had hoped to have found I hadn't *gained* even more weight.)

Questions?  Comments?  Fire away!

Not myself

I'm not feeling like myself today.  I haven't really felt like myself since we came back from London.  Even though my feet hurt, I had a lot of energy and felt good.  Recently, I just feel tired and sluggish and blah and whatnot.  I think it may have to do with the fact I'm out of my vitamin D supplement.

I think I am going to have to find a new and better GP if I am planning on staying here longer.  The last time I went and had my ankle looked at, about 30 seconds was spent on examination.  It just made me feel dismissed, like my issue wasn't real.

Anyways, I just feel blah.  Not depressed (well not anymore than usual), not anxious, just blah.  Maybe it is the weather, since it has been raining for what seems like forever now.  It rains, we get a bit of sun, it rains.  Repeat.

So I have no idea.  I'm excited to work out, but can't get the motivation to do it.  I have things I need to do and people to call etc, and can't "find the time."  I just wish I was at the point where everything came easy; healthy living and eating and working out and working on my dissertation.  Someday, some day soon I hope.

Today I had some me time and got my nails done and then I met Steph for lunch.  We walked around a bit after and then we came back and I ran a load of laundry and took a nap.  I meant to only sleep for a bit but it ended up being way longer than I wanted and missed spinning.  :(  Bad Cindy.

I also took a few photos of some of the damage that occurred in our neighborhood from the ridic winds here yesterday.  Not that it even makes any comparison to what has happened in the US, but it was crazy what some wind can do.

Tomorrow is a new day- hopefully with better choices.

Rainy Monday

Today was a blech kind of day for many reasons.   The rain didn't help matters at all.  It just added to my general sad mood.

We did get grocery shopping out of the way and got plenty of grains and veggies, jammie dodgers and a fez. When we got back I had lunch and debated doing some work, which means I watched last night's L&O CI. (I'm so glad Goren and Eames are back!)

Finally I realized I needed to get to the gym if I was going to work out (which I really didn't want to, since it meant going out in the rain.)  I got my stuff together and got the bus.  Of course, I couldn't remember what stop I needed to get off at, and got off a mile too far away so I had to walk back the way I came in the rain (at least I had my wellies on).

As a result, nothing felt right.  I used the eSpinner and did 1/2 a downloaded spinning workout.  (I had to stop b/c of the time limits on these machines at key hours.)  I debated using the weights but the room was packed.  I had walked the mile + biked 10 miles on the eSpinner, so I called it a day and hit the hot tub.

Totals: appx 60 mins workout, 500 cals burned.  (I forgot to take a picture of my HRM.)

Tomorrow I am having my ankle looked at (again) and I am hoping that I won't have to stop working out now that I've started again.  Tomorrow's workout will probably be weights and Pilates class.

Right now I am just tired and cranky and I just sorted my journal articles by type for my dissertation.  Now if only I could get them all read, notes taken, and my chapter outline done for Thursday it would be very nice.

Weigh in #1

Today was my first weigh in.  I lost 1 pound.  :(  I had hoped it would be more.

I am doing ok with the WW points.  I ate all the weekly points, but not all of the exercise points as I was not sure if I was making 100% entries since some things weren't on the lists and I didn't always have the calorie info.  Funny, after I entered my weight today, the online system told me I had one less point to eat per day now.

I feel like this will take forever, as WW has me ending up between 7-9 stone as a final weight.  *sigh*

Hopefully next week will be better.

I went to the gym twice, and took a long walk, and another long walk today.   We walked down Byres road, through the Arboretum, and then back up along Great Western Road and then through campus and back home.

Some pics from today's walk:

[gallery]

why can I never remember to update here?

I really need to update here.  It helps keep me accountable.

I went to the gym 3 times this week, which is 3 more times than the 2 weeks before it.  I didn't do any "hard" workouts.  I have to listen to my body and my pounding head.  

I think I gained a few pounds back, which is frustrating b/c I gained them back the week I ate the least and worked out the most.  *sigh*

I just feel so fat and ick and I need to do more cardio so I can lose the fat, but everything makes the head hurt more...... so everything fails.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Another good day

Good food wise.  Great spinning class, other than I managed to twist my ankle somehow during it.  [???]

Burned almost 600 calories during class.  I am tired and my legs are sore.  But it's good.

What sucks is my shoulder is killing.  Stupid breasts and gravity. 

I definitely need to call and make an appt. with that plastic surgeon team that's been recommended to me.  It's time to take charge of this, and finally do something about this.  I've wanted to do this for years, so now that I have a recommendation as to who/where to go, I can get started.